Death is a part of living. We can’t avoid it, can’t stop it and can only prolong it if it is meant to go on. We all realize early on that someday we will die. We lose pets and older family members as we age ourselves.Hopefully, we will die at an old age, leaving behind a legacy with our children and grandchildren. But sometimes the Natural order gets turned around. Losing a child is not natural. Life is not supposed to go this way. It changes everything you thought you knew about everything. Nothing is how it should be and it never will be again. We can go on, we can live our lives, we can be happy if we choose too. Or we can become bitter and stop really living. Going through the motions of our day, getting up, eating, working, the normal stuff sometimes becomes robotic. For myself, I think I will always have days like this. Just getting through them without a thought. But God knows, I am trying to LIVE! I don’t want to become bitter and hateful like so many moms I have met. I can’t tell you truthfully that I am totally happy anymore. My life is not at all what I wanted it to be at this point. I will never have Arthur here like before, and that changes everything. I will always be missing a part of myself. The adventure seeking part of me, the laugh until it hurt part and the live life to the fullest part of me all left this earth with him. Sounds harsh I know. This is my reality though. But I am blessed. If it were not for my husband and children, I can honestly tell you that I would not be here writing this blog. Because of them I continue to have love, compassion and still some hope for the future.
Life is a very strange thing it seems, It certainly isn’t always as we hope it will be.
Having Kurt and the children is a blessing for you I am sure. I hope all of you will always be there for each other and stand together as a unit.
I agree with most of what you say in this post, except for how you judge mothers who, allegedly, choose to become bitter and hateful. I don’t think that any parent, in their right mind, chooses to hold on to these negative feelings; it’s not that easy to accept the death of a child mostly when it was by suicide. These words you choose (bitter and hateful) are strong words to describe parents who are dealing with the pain and suffering from such a lost. We are not all blessed like you; having a loving husband and other children to comfort you. Also, everyone moves though grief at a different pace. Some of us will take a little longer to come to accept the death of our beloved child.
I’m not bitter, I just realize that my life will never be the same without my child, I call this sadness.
I’m not hateful because then I would have to hate my child and that will NEVER HAPPEN, I have more compassion towards people who have mental disorders, such as bipolar and schizophrenia.
I enjoy reading your post because you express a lot of the rollercoaster emotions I go or have gone through. Yesterday was one year ago my child physical body left because I CHOOSE to believe that the spirit continues to live.
Your blog is wonderful, but just please try not to be so judgmental because you don’t know why people hold on to sad and negative feelings. We are all different and we deal with what life throws at us in different ways.
God bless you
I never said that moms choose to be bitter and and hateful. And I did not say they were hateful to the children they have lost. I have met moms that become hateful to the people around them, that is just a fact. I did not say they choose to be this way. It is how they grieve. But I choose not to grieve in this manner. I also have never said anything about anyone having a time frame for grief. Just the opposite. I have not and never will accept the death of my son. Never have I said that any parent should accept the loss of a child. That is why I speak about the Natural order. It is not natural to lose a child and acceptance will never happen. We all grieve differently, and time does not heal. I am sorry you understood my words the way you did. They were not written at all as you took them..