I don’t feel strong.
I feel I have not healed at all.
I am angry.
I feel lost.
I feel lonely.
I am in pain, agony really.
I want a do over.
I want my boy back.
I want my life back.

We had no idea Arthur had any thought in his mind to take his life. This young lady made me wonder something. Did Artie even know? Were there things in his mind that even he didn’t understand? I have said before, he and I talked about everything. There was no topic that was unallowed on the table in our home. He had every opportunity to talk to me about whatever was bothering him. And anyone that knew Arthur would tell you that he had no problem talking..
There are no words to express how much I miss that kid. But his story is helping so many people, and I am proud and blessed to be his mom.

In my messages this morning:

Hi, I read one of your posts this morning while I was getting ready for school. I realized that my parents need to know what’s happening with me. I really don’t have a reason for being depressed. Not much is wrong. I really don’t feel like I have a reason to be this way which makes me feel worse. Like I’m uninteniolly making something up and lying. Anyway, you made me realize that my parents need to know. Also how much hurt my family would experience if I left.
Thank you ☺

Good morning! It is going to be a great day! Smile at people, hug someone and tell the people in your life you love them. Talk to those who have passed. They hear our words and still feel our love for them…
Remember your actions toward others effect your mindset of life. Things might be difficult at times but look for the things to be grateful for. The simplest thing could be the blessing you need to get through another day.
Live in gratitude and you will always be blessed.
Have a great day! Much love to you all!

Hey Artie,
We just walked in from fighter practice at the park. It felt good to be out there with everyone. The fog was crazy, you would have enjoyed fighting in it.. I so miss watching you on the field, and hearing your laughter! It will never be the same, but I know you hang out there. 😉
I did get things rolling for the foundation today. I am so proud that this will be done in your name. We will be able to help a lot of kids and their families.
I would have never imagined anything good coming from losing you. You will be remembered through the love and hope that the foundation will share.
My pride and love for you is never ending.

Thanks for the signs today.. I got both of them loud and clear. 🙂

Yesterday was a lovely day. Started out with a wonderful young mans message, and continued with the best weather we have had for some time. There was lots of activity in the yard today. Butterflies, squirrels, birds and bees.. Very peaceful. Got some yard work done, after I broke a water line and had to fix it.. Good thing I have watched Kurt and Artie do this many times. It’s funny. I feel guilty sometimes when something needs to be done I always think ” I wish Arthur was here”. It’s like I only miss him for what he did around here. But then I realize it’s that I miss the calm he brought to any bad situations that came up. He was the one that would fix not only what was broken but my spirit as well. I have come to understand that his most important purpose here was to bring joy to me when things were bad. All the time we worried about Wolfgang and thought we would lose him, Artie was always there to make us laugh and that smile made us know everything would always be okay. And for that I will be eternally grateful. Even now, he is making us and others smile and feel there is hope. Oh and in case your interested, still no leak.. ☺️ Who knew?