Lessons in Nature

I would be a horrible wildlife photographer! I would never be able to just watch big animals kill little ones..  I heard a horrible screaching in my backyard and thought my cat had a squirrel. . So I threw  something at the cat to get it away. (Didn’t hit the cat directly, don’t grimace:)) Turns out it was a Cardinal.. 😯 So, now I am rehabilitating this guy.. He is not happy at the moment. I think I need to learn to let nature take its course more often.. 😕

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Reflections of me

I have been Reflecting on how much my life has changed this past year.. When I look at the entire picture, I realize the only thing that is different is that Arthur is not here.  Everything else is pretty much the same. What has changed however is me. I am not the person I was a year ago. I have more respect for the moments of time that pass in an instant. My view of the world around me is more clear I think. I tend to see people in their true light more, and have way less patience for bullshit!! When your faced with the rest of your life without someone you love, when you wake up everyday without them, you MUST look for something good, find every single positive moment of the day.. This is what makes the rest of your time here without them bearable. I can’t stomach negativity anymore. It eats at me when I am around it. My light is quickly dimmed when I subject myself to it. So, I just don’t. I go to town when I have to, and only talk to those people in my life that aren’t comsumed by regret and disappointment. People that don’t continue to bathe themselves in the shadow of pity. I’m human, I have moments when I ache so deep within that I do feel sorry for myself. But when I do I remember what I have more than outweighs what I don’t. The morning blesses us with a new beginning. Be grateful for that each day and things will fall into place.. Peace!!! 

The Voices in your head

I had an entire post written out yesterday morning. Just as I finished it I walked into the kitchen for just a minute, and for some reason, my computer just shut down. It wasn’t a restart like when it updates. It was off. This has never happened with this computer. And of course, I didn’t save the post.. So… I am taking it as a sign not to use that thought. I thought it was an awesome post by the way! I suppose the Powers that be did not think so..
I am learning to go with the flow more. Letting the Universe guide me, listening to my heart, or my gut if you will. I think listening to our “gut” is really just paying attention to our natural intuition. It is our inner being, our higher selves telling us the thing that is best for us in that moment. If we go with it instead of thinking it through,  it usually ends with the right decision.  Maybe it is God telling you to back the hell up and rethink this decision!! Whatever it is, wherever it comes from, LISTEN! If you talk to a hundred people, they will each have a story about how intuition either saved their butts because they paid attention or, the did not listen and the outcome was not so great! Listening to the voices in your head does not always mean your crazy. 😛

And in the end…

And for a moment I was suffocating.  But something, something way down deep within me grabbed hold and pulled me out of the darkness. I saved myself.. I survived because there is much to do. I live on because I am loved and needed. I continue the journey because the place I am going is where we will all find Peace in the end. Love and Peace are the ultimate end. At the end of this physical life, there will be only unconditional Love and the Peace will be the reward for all of our struggles, our fears and for some, the pain of our lives here on this Earth. This knowing, this understanding I now have of what awaits makes it more joyful to go through each day. Our travels here will lead us to Paradise, where our loved ones and God are waiting.

And in the end the love you take, is equal to the love you make The Beatles

Wolfgangs’s Birthday

I think I am more excited about Wolfgang’s birthday than he is. I want so much to erase all of the pain from this last year for him. He is our baby. Wolfgang has struggled his entire life for normalcy. He came into this world fighting for his life and he is truly a miracle.
He was born with a severe congenital heart defect. Hypo-plastic Left Heart Syndrome. His left ventricle did not develop in vitro. He has endured three open heart surgeries, many bouts of pulmonary problems and several close calls. His home for the first 5 years was primarily Texas Children’s Hospital.  He won the hearts of every nurse and doctor he came in contact with. He never complained, he never once questioned why he had to go through all of this. At one point he was on 29 different medications, just to keep him alive. We were told there was a high potential for severe handicaps,  and the possibility he would not even survive beyond the first week. Now jump forward 14 years. Wolfgang is a caring, amazing young man. Very intelligent, articulate and a joy to be with. This kid, we thought would never grow, (he was a tiny little thing) is extremely tall for his age, and quite good looking. 🙂 He takes no medications other than an aspirin each day. He has always shown strength and compassion.This past year has been difficult for all of us. Wolfgang has grown up and been such a big help to me and my healing. I am so very proud and blessed to be his mom… Happy Birthday Boo!! I love you to the moon and back!!

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This new life

I used to be one of those moms.. You know, always rushing to get the kids from one place to another, planning meals, keeping house, making sure school work was done. I even ran a homeschool group.
My life is totally the opposite now. It’s unusual for us to leave the house more than once a week. Especially now that school is back in session. We don’t have our group anymore, and my social life consists of spending time with the birds and squirrels in my garden.
Wolfgang is spending more time with some of his friends but not as often as I would like. He has always be an introvert of sorts.  Now we are perfectly content just being at home. There is plenty to keep us busy. Everything and everyone that is important is either here or will be here at some point. Funny how much your life can change in an instant.

A letter to Arthur

Good morning Artie…
A year ago this morning, you left your physical body for a new , whole and happy self. I am still not exactly sure why you needed to change your path so soon. I do know it changed my world baby. My heart went with you. It still flashes in my mind every morning. I put on coffee, and took my shower. I wanted to let you sleep in because you had a big day. And then I realized Izzy wasn’t in your room with you. I noticed your light on and figured you were up, ready to go pick up Amber and get to the park. From the second I opened your door, I stopped breathing. I’m not sure I have taken a full breath since. The last thing I remember, before the blessed  numbness kicked in, was kissing that beautiful face, knowing my life would never, ever be the same.
But this is not the end of our story huh kiddo? Our journey has just begun.. I have met some amazing people on this new path. Life is so precious and I thank God everyday for it. My biggest blessing has always been you 4 kids. Without all of you I would not have known the joy I have had in my life.
Even now you are my rock Artie… Whenever something is bothering me I still talk it out with you. I really need to stop doing it in the stores, people look at me pretty strange.. 🙂 Thank you my beautiful boy for choosing me for your mom. You gave me 14 years of unconditional love, and I will hold onto it until we walk along the sands of white beaches together.  I love you.. See ya soon!

Nightfall in the Kingdom

A forbodding fell upon the Kingdom as the day turned into night.  It was felt by all that knew him. It had been a year since the Prince had gone off to battle. The Queen felt sure he would return someday. On the eve of the anniversary of his departure she stood at the tower window. She spoke to the wind, a simple wish. Let him be safe, let him be happy. Assure me that he will always know that his Mother loves him more the all of the stars in the heavens. Let those he left behind always remember him. May they always strive to be as loving and as kind as he, the Prince they called Arturius..

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today was Arthur’s last day on this Earth. He hung out with friends, had his plans set for the next day and a whole future ahead of him.
And then he was gone.

And this is what I have learned:

I still have a good life but the light within me is not as bright.
I try to appreciate every second of each day.
Spending time with family is the MOST important thing to me. I cherish them and know how quickly it can all be taken away.
I can’t look ahead to the future, it’s one day at a time.
Money can’t buy happiness.
Music is all of your memories wrapped up tight in your heart.
A warm summer breeze is like therapy.
Negativity breeds Negativity. Rid yourself of it!! It will suck the life out of you.
The quiet of your mind is truly the safest and most honest place you can visit!
Most importantly, I have learned that there is much more to life than just what we see with our eyes. It is what your Soul sees that matters..

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