Today 4 years ago was the last great day I had. I spent the day running back and forth to the mall, picking up and dropping off kids. Our oldest son and his family were here and I spent time with the twins. It really was a great day. If only I had know what was coming. I would have stayed up all night, I would have told him that his broken heart would someday be a great lesson learned. I could have listened to music with him, or watched the videos he had made that morning. I saw the videos by the way, days later. They were great. Arthur was so talented, incredibly loving and loyal to a fault. He did not understand how people could be ugly and hurtful to each other. This would take him down a path that night he did not return from, and in the process would destroy me.
September has given us an almost 20 year marriage, the birth of our youngest son and the loss of another. This year, the loss of a beloved pet has been added to the list. It is hard not to be depressed right now. Remembering the devastation from Harvey and the continuing rains just add to the gloomy feel of this time of year. I hope every year will be better. I pray that my heart will miraculously not feel the sting of what it has survived. I do try to be my most positive self, but it is not in me anymore. The darkness of this month has become like an unwanted guest in my life. Here for just a short time. Just long enough to destroy whatever healing I had accomplished.