Webster’s dictionary defines a Warrior as follows: 

A person who fights in battles and is known for having courage and skill. 

Arthur always fought a battle for goodness. He never understood how people could be mean to each other, to animals or even the earth. He kept these feeling bottled up and did not share them with many. He and I would have long conversations about so many deep things and compassion for for others was a big one. In his heart, he loved the idea of Love! He wanted every person that crossed his path to feel love from him in some way. 

In this short time since he passed, I have met some true Warriors. Mothers that have gone through the unimaginable. Just breathing is a struggle not everyone will understand. Pretending to be okay is an Oscar winning performance for us. Having anything that resembles a life is a continuous battle in itself. 

But we march forward. The never ending battle we fight will continue all the days of our lives. We fight many battles everyday. We lose some of them and we win some of them. But, at the end of the day, when we shut off the lights and lie down our heads, our children that have gone before us look upon us with Pride!  For before them they see true strength, unconditional love and the greatest of all Warriors!!  

There are no words to define the feeling of losing a child. There is no way to heal from this pain and just go on.  It feels at times as if I live a double life. In one life, I am  a mom, wife and woman yearning for joy and happiness! I am married to the love of my life and have 4 amazing children and 4 fun, smart and beautiful grandchildren. I do my best to insure that my family knows I love them and will do everything in my power to keep them safe and content. I enjoy my garden, running my own business and taking care of my animals. I spend as much time out in Nature as possible. That’s the good life, and I cherish it. 

Then there is the dark existence I fall into. Every moment, every second of everyday is a reminder that our Arthur is not here with us. No skateboard sounds outside, no piano or guitar playing. No amazing laughter and brilliant smile. This me stumbles through each day as if half aware of life itself. There is always a cloud making everything grey and cold. I always feel as though I am waiting. Waiting for this life to end so I no longer have to feel, anything .  No loss, no constant ache in my very soul. I just want this to go away and stop reminding me that life will never be the same.