Woke up with the all too familiar heaviness this morning. ‘‘Tis the season. I wish I could just get through one year with a little Holiday Joy. I sit here trying to plan with lists and recipes. My Mind begins to wander. I am thrust back in time to days of gingerbread houses and homemade wrapping paper. Evenings watching Christmas movies and drinking Peppermint hot cocoa. The laughter and amazement of the Holidays in the faces of two little boys, brothers that shared in the excitement of wondering what Santa would bring this year. These are the things my Holidays consist of now, bittersweet memories..
Our area has lost so many young people recently. A couple of these kids made the choice to leave this Earth, others gone by accident or illness. I think of Arthur every time I hear of another Child gone so soon. I think of how far our family has come, how much we have lost and how much we have gained.
I know the pain this journey brings and my heart breaks for the families just beginning in this road. Especially the moms. The entire family is hurting, grieving, questioning everything and they are at a loss as to what they are supposed to do next. For the mom, it is sheer, complete and constant agony. Imagine the most excruciating pain. Pain you will never go another day of your life without. Yes, it will ease some days. But it will always be thereThe pain comes from a mother’s heart dying a little and the loss of a piece of her. I try and reach out to every family. I give my condolences. Then, if possible, I let the mom know, she is not alone in the thoughts and darkness she feels lost in. She is not crazy for having the thoughts that are swirling like a tornado in her head. And most of all, I tell her it is okay. Okay to be angry, okay to be alone and okay to scream. Reassuring her that someday she will be able to breath without having to remind herself to do so. That she will someday open the curtains and let the sun shine on her face without the guilt of feeling the joy in it. What I NEVER will say is that she has to move on, nor do I tell her the pain will cease someday. She won’t and it never will. Most importantly, I will assure her that she will always have a connection to her child and that love truly never dies.