Our little tree.

We wanted to at least put up a small tree this year. So Kurt, Wolfie and I went to town and bought this little cutie today. We decided on this one because we can keep it in a pot out by the garden or plant it. This is our symbol of new traditions, and one more step forward..

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Flowers from Artie

I have never grown roses. Arthur and I talked about planting them before he died but never got around to it. I have planted 6 rose bushes since last year. I really don’t do much with them. I talk to them when I am in the garden but that’s about it. And yet, they still give  me beauty. This one was waiting this morning, in the rain.. I have about 10 new buds as well. It makes me smile..  I believe that Artie takes care of all the flowers in the garden, he shows his love for me through them. He knows I go out there everyday and talk to him. It is one of his greatest signs for me..

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Turkey Day

Our family is not doing the traditions Turkey day stuff today. We will probably fry turkeys over the weekend just to have the meat for leftovers..  😀 Celebrating one of the worst human atrocities in our history  does not appeal to me much anymore.. It is a day off work, a day for family time and a day to put a couple of turkies in the freezer because I got them at a really good price.  🦃   I will be working on the mittens for the holiday bags I am making. I want to pass them out on Christmas Eve.

 Tomorrow I think we will go buy a small tree and make popcorn and cranberry garland for it. 🎄 Simple is our theme this year. I can put the cranberries and popcorn out for the birds and squirrels after the holidays. That will be great for them and I have no doubt it will bring me hours of entertainment. 🐿

So, whatever your traditions, however you spend this day, do it with Love  and Peace in your heart.  Carry your gratitude beyond this one day. Everyday, every second there is something to be grateful for.  

Hot Chocolate

We made hot chocolate last night for the first time this season. I did not put the candy canes in them though. It just didnt seem right somehow. I set out a cup for you, some habits are hard to let go of. I still count everything out in 4’s. Four plates, four cups, four forks.. Still have to stop and think when a hostess asks how many are in our party.. I miss you baby, and I love you… Thanks for looking out for my roses..

First Frost

Woke up to frost on the ground this morning.  First thing I thought of were my flowers. I completely forgot to cover them last night.. went out to the garden to check, just knowing they were probably all withered. Of course they are all fine and there are even several new buds on my roses.  I take that as Arthur letting me know he is going to be right here through this coming Winter. He knows how much the flowers and trees he planted for me mean to me. It is where I go when I have my long conversations with him. My heart knows he enjoyed our time in the garden as much as I did.. Every time I find something new out there I believe it is a gift from Artie, and I cherish it.. 😍

Is there hope?

The world is a mess. Mother Earth is dying under our feet, man is becoming motivated by electronic devices instead of the gifts we have been giving by God. We eat frozen food latent with poisons and drink water we have to pay for. Why do we pay for water anyway? I have my suspicions.. Have we become so cold that we are allowing people and animals to die on the streets while we stand in line for hours after giving thanks for all that we have, to buy the newest phone craze?  Why not stand in line to feed the hungry? Volunteer at our shelters.  Instead of complaining about what we don’t have, think about what could be taken away in an instant. It is not about feeling better about yourself. It is about insuring the survival of our race. We are slowing becoming so distant from our fellow man that soon our only friends will require a good charge every few days. I am just as guilty of having my phone in my hand 24/7. I just wonder really, what have I missed, what joyous opportunities have passed me by because I was looking down?

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About Christmas… 

Hey buddy,

Last week was a real tough time for me for some reason. The Holidays are being shoved down our throats already. I guess I am not as ready as I thought to face them without you, again. I think we will just get a small tree and set out a few things. I can’t bring myself to get all of our traditional stuff out yet. I am not sure that I ever will be. That was our job every year. Even though it will be different, we will have some Christmas cheer going on.. 🎅🏻. No gingerbread house, probably not much music, no new handmade ornaments or wrapping paper. I just want us to remember this is a time for family, love and hopefully some Peace for people that desperately need it. This world is a mess. It is heartbreaking to think so many people have no home, no food or even anyone to spend the season with.  We are truly lucky and blessed just in love alone. 💜 I miss you baby, my heart aches for your laughter and hugs!!  

Forgiveness is not a dirty word

I have heard hundreds of times that forgiveness is sometimes the key to healing. A year ago I would have never thought I would even begin to forgive the people I believe caused Artie so much pain. But, I am tired. I’m tired of the anger hanging on to me like a dark shadow. Arthur made the decision to end his life on his own. I will never be friends with them again, and I will never forget what they did. I will however, find some Peace in all of this and letting go of this darkened inside me is as good a place to start as any. I spoke to one of the women last night. No long conversation, just polite words to someone. It actually felt good. I felt empowered in a way. My grief, the pain and anger is not going to continue to drag me down. I of all people should know that life comes with no guarantee for tomorrow. To live for each day, happy and content is all we can truly hope for.. Peace my friends.. Say a prayer for the people of France and for the USA. This could just as easily have been us again.. 

The Longest Road

We are an elite club it seems at times. Grieving moms… The pain never ends. The road just seems to get longer day by day..  We have no name, there are no answers for us because this is not natural. We don’t have years to prepare as we do for our grandparents and parents. We not only lose our child but our futures, our hopes and dreams. Life stops at that moment. Sure, we bounce back some. We get up, put on our clothes and smile for those around us. But none of it is real. The pretending we have to do most days is exhausting. The choking back tears is endless. Even when we have so much to live for, so many blessings and people we love. The agony of this never goes away… The memories are bittersweet. Some we welcome, others are like reliving that one second that changed our lives over and over again. We want a second chance, where is our second chance? 

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