I can go days, even weeks and yes months without a breakdown! I am happy and there is laughter in the house.. But last night out of the blue I broke! I am not sure if I was dreaming of Arthur or what brought it on but I awoke with the same feelings as that morning. That morning that my life changed forever, the moment I gained a broken heart for the rest of my life! It is still not real. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I will never hug that kid again. I will go the rest of my life not knowing what kind of man he would be. I feel old and defeated. How am I to find courage and continue without his support and never ending love? Arthur would say just the right thing in every situation.

I wish he could tell me what the hell I am supposed to do without him…