I am working the night shift right now. Every night, as I drive home, I imagine you there. Waiting for me on the porch. Just as you did so many times. If you weren’t with me, you were always waiting for me. I miss that. I miss the “hi mom” I always got and the flash of that smile. I miss you tonight.
Two years ago I could not ever image celebrating Christmas or any holiday for that matter ever again. Thanksgiving we always had lots of people here for fried turkey and all the fixings! Christmas was always great but Arthur loved making it super festive! Decorating for the Holidays was his thing. He loved the lights most of all. Every decoration in our yard had some kind of lights on it. He could have driven around every night looking at them and never get tired of it. We also have a Holiday boat parade here in our home town. All of the kids grew up watching it every year. Sometimes fighting 80 degree temps and mosquitos, but we loved it! It has been so sad to not do all of these things.
But, this year will be different! This year will be celebrating the Holidays. Full decorations, turkeys, lights, boat parade and all! Having two of our grandkids close makes this year so much fuller. It is time to start living again and what better time to start than the Holiday season. I just know Arthur is smiling, and I also know he will be here through it all! May he will even put on a light show for us!
We went to Hobby Lobby tonight to pick up a few things in Christmas decorations. We were having a great time when all of a sudden, it hit me. My sisters that have lost a child know what I mean. In a split second I couldn’t stop the tears. Instead of bumming everyone else out, I walked a few aisles over to try and gain some control. As I am trying to pull myself together, this wonderfully kind woman comes around and sees me there. She very sweetly how she recognized my pain and asked me who I had lost. Well of course this just brought on more tears as I told her about my Artie. She began to tell me how she herself lost her son some years back. She said she understood my pain and how the Christmas music, especially Hobby Lobby music, made the Holidays more difficult. We spoke for a moment about our boys and how time seems to stand still most days. We had a laugh about how Hobby Lobby music feels sad, every year. I imagine that is why we avoid it during the Holidays! A moment of sorrow and sadness was turned into two women, who had never met before, sharing their love for the sons that have gone before them. I could not help but smile as I thought perhaps, just maybe, our boys were together, smiling down on us. Happy that their moms, if only for a brief moment found a little comfort at the start of this Holiday season!