The light and the dark of it

When Arthur died, I was left with a hole in my heart. An empty, dark and lonely place. I visit this place often throughout my day. Sometimes  I stay a moment, other times much longer. I go there not by any choice of my own.   The purpose for the hole is not of my doing and such a place should never have been created. But it’s there. When I am in it, it is dark, cold and miserable. It swallows me whole and slowly sucks the life out of me. This place, this darkness is really where I go to heal. I can cry there, scream there, and feel the anguish and agony of my loss. Then, when I am done with grieving for the moment, the hole becomes a place that reminds me of a boy. An amazing boy that I am honored and blessed to have mothered. A boy that I continue to love with all of my heart. It has been said, there is no light without the darkness. I live with both..