Crazy night of dreams! I won’t go into all of them, way too many. But I want to share one. We were in an apartment. I was on the patio feeding a dog, and I could hear music coming from inside. Loud music. Wolfgang was sleeping on the couch and there were other people moving about. The music I figured out was coming from the kitchen. Arthur was in there cooking. He loved to cook. I never saw him, I just knew he was there. I smiled in my dream and went back to the patio. Then I heard Wolfgang call to Artie and ask him to turn the music down a bit. Just like old times. 😊 Good reminder that when our loved ones return to Spirit, they are still with us, even when we can’t see them!
A year ago this weekend I went to Denver for an Enlightenment weekend. I met an amazing group of people, all of which I will remember forever. It was truly a life changing weekend. We came from all over and each of us had our own reasons for being there. I took away so much from that time. A clearer understanding of myself, a closer relationship to our creator and lifelong friendships. The women that I bonded with there are some of the strongest I have ever met. I love them as family. This past year they have been my inspirations and support. Corrina, I love you and will forever be grateful you turned to speak to me that day! Kari, you always keep me laughing and your vigor for life is astounding. Elisa, from you I have learned what true strength is and that our relationships with those that have passed continues.. Ula, I can only bow to your grace and beauty. I have not mentioned you all by name but know you are thought of and prayed for daily.. Love and Light to you all!!
I go to sleep every night hoping Artie will visit me in a dream. Last night he was there. It was simple. He was there smiling that smile at me and that was it. No conversation, just his presence. It was all I needed to wake up feeling renewed today.
When I hear about another child lost to suicide it takes me back. Back to that second when my life ended basically with Arthur’s. Nineteen months ago. Almost two years. Never would I have imagined surviving such horror for a moment let alone this long. There are still times when it does not seem real. I can still be out in the garden expecting him to come through the back gate after a run. What joy that kid brought to me! I find my strength in my family, Kurt and Wolfgang have been my rocks. My friends that have supported us have been such blessings. And all of you that have sent love and friendship everyday and tolerated my insane ups and downs. I forget how far I have come at times. My hope is that this mom, this newly grieving, dying inside mom will find the strength to move forward one tiny step at a time. Please send warm thoughts to her as you have done for me.. Her baby was thirteen and from the little I know, he was also bullied by an adult in his life.
What is it like to lose a child? I always used to say that I could never imagine it. Now I don’t have to, I live it everyday. If I had to try and make someone understand I would say this. One day you see everything in color. Bright, vivid, in your face color. Then, in a split second you lose that. All of your world, and everything in it, is now in black and white. The days are either good or bad. No in between, no middle, just up or down.