So many times I wake up thinking it was all just a very long and horrible dream. There have been some mornings, I have made it all of the way to the kitchen before it hits me. As soon as I turn that corner and face his bedroom door it all comes back. That heaviness. The weight of the chains I drag with me every day. I pull them along to the grocery store, the mall , the dentist and then home again. They are my grief. Heavy and noisy. Noise only I can hear. As time goes on, there are moments that the weight is lessened. A few days even weeks go by until suddenly the chains I keep in tow snag on something and jerk me backward. Once I catch my breath again, I tell myself that these chains are a reminder that I had you. For an all too brief time you were my life.. And then the cycle starts all over. Drag, pull, relief and snag..
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