The weight of your grief

So many times I wake up thinking it was all just a very long and horrible dream. There have been some mornings, I have made it all of the way to the kitchen before it hits me. As soon as I turn that corner and face his bedroom door it all comes back. That heaviness. The weight of the chains I drag with me every day. I pull them along to the grocery store, the mall , the dentist and then home again. They are my grief. Heavy and noisy.  Noise only I can hear. As time goes on, there are moments that the weight is lessened.  A few days even weeks go by until suddenly the chains I keep in tow snag on something and jerk me backward.  Once I catch my breath again,  I tell myself that these chains are a reminder that I had you. For an all too brief time you were my life..  And then the cycle starts all over. Drag, pull, relief and snag..