We become desperate to hold on to our memories when we lose loved ones. I find myself going through the same photos and videos over and over. There should be more of Arthur. There should not be a year and a half since the last one of him was taken. I should have one of him in the new garden, one of him driving off in his car for the first time. There should be date pictures and a first day at his first job pictures. I want wedding photos and a picture of the tears in his eyes when his first child was born. I want him here to mark every milestone like we were supposed to.