I honestly am trying to stay positive. This is emotionally draining. It is as if there is a constant battle going on between my Spirit and my ego. My Spirit knows that life is a blessing. It knows that my Artie is happy and peaceful on his new journey. Daily my Spirit reminds me of my many, many blessings and how important it is to trust what comes my way. I am reminded of what true love is when I am with Kurt and Wolfgang.
Then there is the ego side of me. It is an angry side. Angry still at people that I feel turned their backs on Arthur. People that did him an injustice that only taught him that the people you trust most are the very ones you should watch out for. Angry with myself for allowing these people into our lives. REALLY angry that their lives continue like nothing happened, like they had no input in the devastation that their actions caused. Never once have I wished bad on them but God help me, I sometimes hope they have a hard time sleeping at night..
Now, back to my Spirit self. I know that all things are put about as they should be. This is not an easy thing to accept when you lose a child. Being more “human” most of my life than “Spiritual” has certainly put me behind on learning to accept things. I have always been selfish in that I wanted a perfect life. For a brief moment, a split second, I had just that. And then it was gone. Now, I am beginning to get it. I understand that the “Perfect Life” is what comes next. The end results of what we learn while here and what we take with us when we proceed to the rest of our journey. Every second of the time I have left in this human form will be spent learning more about my Spirituality, Loving more unconditionally and completely, and Serving where ever it is needed.