The Fog

Something I have heard over and over again from mom’s is that the loss of our child creates a fog. Long lasting, heavy, pea soup kind of fog.  I have found at times the fog is a comfort really. It shields me from the times when the pain is so piercing that surely I would die from it if not for the cusion of the fog.
Yesterday while driving home on the Blue Water Highway, the fog was extremely thick. Blue Water Hwy. runs along the coast between Galveston and Surfside Texas. Why they call it Blue Water I will never know. We certainly don’t see blue water often along the Gulf of Mexico. But anyway, back to my thought.
As I was driving, my mind was concidering FOG.. It can be heavy and almost seem endless. It can make you miserable, even strike fear in some. But, eventually, if you keep going forward, driving on through it, it does eventually let up. You remember it, it is always in the back of your mind, you may even tell stories about the time you were in a thick, nasty fog and how relieved you were to reach the other side.  As mom’s of loss, we will find our way out of the fog.  For now, I embrace it when I need it. All of the stages of grief are necessary, even the fog!!

Have a blessed, hopefully sunny, clear day!! Love you all..


Swollen eyes and a broken heart…

It is so hard to get a grip on this pain. I thought I was doing pretty well, but yesterday I was washed in my grief and pain all over again. For the first time in a while I cried myself to sleep. I woke up with swollen eyes and one hell of a headache. Grief is like an unwanted houseguest. They overstay their welcome, suck up all of your energy and leave a mess when they finally go. But just when you think you have everything put back in its place, and  it’s okay to make plans for the extra space, it walks back through the door. I have said all along I had no control over my emotions, and this was one of the hardest parts of the loss. It is still true after five months. Five months! It seems like years to me right now. Years since I held that blonde little boy with a scraped knee, years since I comforted him when he had his heart broken and years since I heard him call my name, hug me and flash that crazy bright smile.. I will never be over this pain. Our family will always be missing a part of us. I will get through this period of grief.. Until the next one comes….

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