I apologize for the really crappy post the last couple of days. Unfortunately as I have said before, I have no control over my emotions. Some days I think things are finally leveling out then BAM! I become a blubbering fool all, over again. Something did occur to me though. Feeling these things, these raw, painful emotions is normal in grief. The loss of a child is not comparable to anything else. The reason we feel so much pain is because we loved our child. We have memories of happy little snotty nosed kids. Little movies that run through our minds of us tying shoes, singing songs and reading books. One memory that I see regularly is sitting with Arthur as a baby, in his first little room, nursing him. The first few days with him, this child I waited for so long. How blessed am I to have had him and even more I am grateful for these memories. So I guess what I am saying is the pain is awful, even still agonizing at times. But the memories that flood me are stronger than the pain and if I keep them running it eases things some.
I am finally getting a little sleep. Actually restful sleep. Someone recommended some hypnotic audio recordings to me and they actually work. It’s amazing what a little sleep will do for you! So, today we will finish packing up for the trip. Still have to pick which skateboard of Artie’s to take. I am hoping the boy will give some kind of sign. 😜