The Answers Truly Are Within

I can’t explain what I feel. There are no words in the dictionary to cover the grief we feel when we lose our children. We have no name, nothing to identify us in a crowd. But when we see a mom, a mom that knows, we recognize them immediately. It’s like a signal we send out to the universe to draw in the understanding only another mother has. It is quite beautiful really, how God takes care of us. Our children are not gone from us at all. They physically have left this Earth, but they are forever with us, just as all of our loved ones that have passed are. Just as God always is. And this… This is a beautiful reality once you truly get it. 

I have had some super dark moments since Artie died. I blamed everyone and everything on his suicide, even myself. I have spent a year looking, even begging for answers. I have come to realize there are no answers, the truth is just that this has happened to my family because it was to be. It does not make the pain go away, and it still sucks everyday that I can’t get one of those hugs. But for the first time in my life, I have genuine faith in something. Faith that we are all connected by the Source, by God. We are all the same in our hearts and our Souls are one. We are light and we are energy. We choose our roads long before we come to this life and our Souls know the why. If you are lost, unsure of the way to go, just calm yourself, close your eyes and listen to your Spirit. It will always take you on the right path. Have faith in this, it will never let you down. 

Peace, Happiness and Love to you all!! 

Summertime Blues.

Hey buddy, everyone is here finally. It is wonderful having them home.. We are all painfully aware of the fact that you are not here physically but I know you are here in Spirit. You always looked forward to these family visits.. I felt your love so much today. It was as if I could feel that you were as excited as I am for everyone to arrive. It’s almost like old times.
I am still caught off guard at times by my grief. I still have moments that bring me to my knees. What I would not give to have you here.. I can almost hear your laughter. Aside from your hugs, I miss that the most. Your laughter always brought such joy to all of us. Today, I hope you will be here.  I know for a fact you will be in our hearts and on our minds.. I love you my boy.. Love Mommy

Coming up on eight months

When Arthur died, almost eight months ago, our lives were perfect. We were an awesome family. We did everything together. There was laughter, fun, music and adventure all of the time. We had the same kind of issues other families had but we were different. I thought in that moment, the moment I found my boy, that it was all over. My world I could not imagine would ever have any fulfillment or happiness again. I had all but decided that my daily existence would be spent waiting for my time here to be over, the sooner the better as far as I was concerned. Thank goodness I have changed my way of thinking. I am not the same woman I was that day, before I went into his room. That person no longer exists. The life we all knew is gone, along with Arthur’s physical self.

But… My life is full. I have love, and family. I have friends, old and new. I have my health and I know Arthur is still with us in spirit. My own spirituality has grown so much. No longer do I question what is to come. There is no fear in dying for me. Life here is but an extension of our spirit selves. A journey of learning, solving and growing. Our loved ones never truly leave us. They help guide us and they are always with us to share life’s ups and downs. This is such comfort for me. I will miss the hugs from Arthur physically always, but I am content with the ones I get from him spiritually now.. I am far from healed of the pain and grief. I do not kid myself about that. My family and I are continuing our adventure together, just with more gratitude and love in our hearts.

Olive Garden and Artie’s steaks.

As silly as it seems, Olive Garden for the the first time without Artie was tough. I know exactly what he would have ordered, chicken marsala and a rootbeer.  It didn’t really hit me until we were home and I grabbed the bottle of dressing we got out of the car. Arthur cooked the best steaks ever! He would marinade them in the dressing and they were always so tender and full of flavor. Just another reminder that the simple things, the things we take for granted are the very things we will miss when they are gone.
I miss you my boy. You are always here with me but I still miss your face.. I love you!

Powered by

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: