My hardest struggle

I do try not to hold negative or resentful thoughts and feelings. I face each day with as much positively as I can muster. But, I have moments where I still am very angry. Angry that my son, a loving, caring, respectful and honest young man was taken from this earth so young. When I see young men that are rude, have no respect for their mothers let alone other  women it makes me question everything. When I see the people that caused Artie so much pain, the ones that turned his life upside down, going on with life as if nothing has changed, I am furious. I want nothing more than to never feel hatred in my heart because Arthur loved and respected everyone. But some days it feels like the hatred is eating me alive. I feel it consuming me. I don’t wish this pain on anyone, I just wonder if they ever think about what they did. I live with guilt and regret every day of my life. How can they not? When they drop to their knees and thank God for their blessings, do they think of what we have lost? I do realize Arthur made the decision to end his life on he own. He takes responsibility for that. But I can’t help but wonder if these people had never come into our lives, would he still be here? They ruined his view of what he thought people were. The very people he loved and trusted turned on him and he never recovered from that. Please forgive me for this rant. It is my only release and it’s this or screaming and sometimes I am afraid if I start, I will never stop…

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