It is so hard to get a grip on this pain. I thought I was doing pretty well, but yesterday I was washed in my grief and pain all over again. For the first time in a while I cried myself to sleep. I woke up with swollen eyes and one hell of a headache. Grief is like an unwanted houseguest. They overstay their welcome, suck up all of your energy and leave a mess when they finally go. But just when you think you have everything put back in its place, and  it’s okay to make plans for the extra space, it walks back through the door. I have said all along I had no control over my emotions, and this was one of the hardest parts of the loss. It is still true after five months. Five months! It seems like years to me right now. Years since I held that blonde little boy with a scraped knee, years since I comforted him when he had his heart broken and years since I heard him call my name, hug me and flash that crazy bright smile.. I will never be over this pain. Our family will always be missing a part of us. I will get through this period of grief.. Until the next one comes….