Our country, our society and our children are coming apart.  What are we to do with a generation of children that has so little regard for respect, caring and life in general. First we must ask ourselves why.  I understand that maybe it is just a handful of them but hate spreads like a plague. How can we stop something so rapidly growing?  Todays shooting took place at a school that openly spoke out for gun control not long ago. The shooter was most likely a participant in the walk out with the very kids he coldly killed today.

For me, a grieving mother myself, I have fought all day to keep my thoughts clear. I think of  the parents of the children who needlessly died today. As they enter their homes tonight without the babies they never thought they would lose. They never expected to  have to bury their child. A parent never does.  Instead of planning graduations, summer vacations and futures tonight, they are planning funerals. How is this possible?

As you tuck your kids in tonight, kiss them an extra time. Before you close your eyes, say a prayer not only for these families, but all families across the globe. Pray that we see each other as the remarkable beings we are, capable of amazing things. Be full of love daily and hope for a better Earth for all of us. Ask for the vision to see hurt that needs healing, hunger that needs feeding and thirst that needs quenching.  Just be the light being  you were placed here to be. Be the good and smile at your fellow man. This too can spread like the plague…

Peace

I have recently had some toxic people remove themselves from my life. This has been more liberating than I could have imagined. Sometimes the very people that you think you need in your life are the very ones that destroy your chances for happiness. It is life changing to realize how little I need them in my life. I was programmed to believe that I was  important.  The fact is, I was a  pawn, a means to an end if you will.  I only wish I had walked away years ago.  I am sure my life would have been so very different.  This even more than Arthur’s death has changed me profoundly!

It has been some time since I have written. My daddy passed from this Earth early today and is now fishing with Artie and my grandad.  But let me back up a few years, to that morning.

After all of the phone calls were made and before the friends and family started coming, I became acutely aware of the silence. It was truly deafening! This lasted for several days if I recall, maybe even weeks. Over time I didn’t seem to notice it anymore.

Until today.  After they came and took daddy’s precious body to the funeral home, mom and made the long trip to hers and daddy’s apartment. The silence was with us on the drive there. We spoke some, but it was there. Then as we sat eating our hamburgers I became incredible aware of the silence, no refrigerator, no a/c, no television and no noisy neighbors. It was just silent.

Then I heard it, plain as day…. I heard my dads voice say “Hey Sugar” just as if he were right there beside me. And all of a sudden I felt like I knew all of the secrets of the Universe!! I have spoken often of the gifts we are given when we lose our Love ones. When Arthur went on to his heavenly journey my gift was numbness, to ease the pain those first few days. Today my gift was the silence so I could hear my daddy’s sweet voice one more time!

Even death brings about miracles and the awareness of something greater than we are!

I can go days, even weeks and yes months without a breakdown! I am happy and there is laughter in the house.. But last night out of the blue I broke! I am not sure if I was dreaming of Arthur or what brought it on but I awoke with the same feelings as that morning. That morning that my life changed forever, the moment I gained a broken heart for the rest of my life! It is still not real. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I will never hug that kid again. I will go the rest of my life not knowing what kind of man he would be. I feel old and defeated. How am I to find courage and continue without his support and never ending love? Arthur would say just the right thing in every situation.

I wish he could tell me what the hell I am supposed to do without him…