Yesterday was a tough day. Working on getting pool ready, setting up for summer, once again without you. I could hear your laughter as I thought of summers past. You always loved having parties and get togethers. You were our best Bartender ever! I miss you, I miss those days, I miss us…
This past week, eight young people were taken from this Earth. In that moment, eight families lives are forever changed.
And I know…
I know the pain that will be with them always. I know how it feels to wait for their child to walk into the room. I know that their dreams and hopes for the future are forever altered. The only hope now is to just make it through each hour. I know these moms are sleeping in beds where they tucked their babies in safely each night, holding on to pillows and taking in the sweet smell of the life that came from her womb. They don’t know yet that there will come a time when that smell will be gone and it will be one of the things they will long for always. They don’t realize the screams they hear in their heads are their own. They will cry until there are no more tears. I know the fear of sleep will come because of the images that will haunt them. And I know they will spend the rest of their lives a fraction of the person they once were.
Arthur would have graduated this year. We have no gown, no diploma, no college applications. Our boy would have changed the world.
My heart and my prayers are for the families of the horrible tragedy in Santa Fe always.
Our country, our society and our children are coming apart. What are we to do with a generation of children that has so little regard for respect, caring and life in general. First we must ask ourselves why. I understand that maybe it is just a handful of them but hate spreads like a plague. How can we stop something so rapidly growing? Todays shooting took place at a school that openly spoke out for gun control not long ago. The shooter was most likely a participant in the walk out with the very kids he coldly killed today.
For me, a grieving mother myself, I have fought all day to keep my thoughts clear. I think of the parents of the children who needlessly died today. As they enter their homes tonight without the babies they never thought they would lose. They never expected to have to bury their child. A parent never does. Instead of planning graduations, summer vacations and futures tonight, they are planning funerals. How is this possible?
As you tuck your kids in tonight, kiss them an extra time. Before you close your eyes, say a prayer not only for these families, but all families across the globe. Pray that we see each other as the remarkable beings we are, capable of amazing things. Be full of love daily and hope for a better Earth for all of us. Ask for the vision to see hurt that needs healing, hunger that needs feeding and thirst that needs quenching. Just be the light being you were placed here to be. Be the good and smile at your fellow man. This too can spread like the plague…
I have recently had some toxic people remove themselves from my life. This has been more liberating than I could have imagined. Sometimes the very people that you think you need in your life are the very ones that destroy your chances for happiness. It is life changing to realize how little I need them in my life. I was programmed to believe that I was important. The fact is, I was a pawn, a means to an end if you will. I only wish I had walked away years ago. I am sure my life would have been so very different. This even more than Arthur’s death has changed me profoundly!
It has been some time since I have written. My daddy passed from this Earth early today and is now fishing with Artie and my grandad. But let me back up a few years, to that morning.
After all of the phone calls were made and before the friends and family started coming, I became acutely aware of the silence. It was truly deafening! This lasted for several days if I recall, maybe even weeks. Over time I didn’t seem to notice it anymore.
Until today. After they came and took daddy’s precious body to the funeral home, mom and made the long trip to hers and daddy’s apartment. The silence was with us on the drive there. We spoke some, but it was there. Then as we sat eating our hamburgers I became incredible aware of the silence, no refrigerator, no a/c, no television and no noisy neighbors. It was just silent.
Then I heard it, plain as day…. I heard my dads voice say “Hey Sugar” just as if he were right there beside me. And all of a sudden I felt like I knew all of the secrets of the Universe!! I have spoken often of the gifts we are given when we lose our Love ones. When Arthur went on to his heavenly journey my gift was numbness, to ease the pain those first few days. Today my gift was the silence so I could hear my daddy’s sweet voice one more time!
Even death brings about miracles and the awareness of something greater than we are!