There are no words to define the feeling of losing a child. There is no way to heal from this pain and just go on. It feels at times as if I live a double life. In one life, I am a mom, wife and woman yearning for joy and happiness! I am married to the love of my life and have 4 amazing children and 4 fun, smart and beautiful grandchildren. I do my best to insure that my family knows I love them and will do everything in my power to keep them safe and content. I enjoy my garden, running my own business and taking care of my animals. I spend as much time out in Nature as possible. That’s the good life, and I cherish it.
Then there is the dark existence I fall into. Every moment, every second of everyday is a reminder that our Arthur is not here with us. No skateboard sounds outside, no piano or guitar playing. No amazing laughter and brilliant smile. This me stumbles through each day as if half aware of life itself. There is always a cloud making everything grey and cold. I always feel as though I am waiting. Waiting for this life to end so I no longer have to feel, anything . No loss, no constant ache in my very soul. I just want this to go away and stop reminding me that life will never be the same.