Losing a child is inconceivable for most people. A mother can never imagine the pain, until it happens. At first it is excruciating, raw horrific pain. There is nothing like it. No pain will ever compare. After a while the wound begins to heal. Never completely mind you, but just enough that you can move a little easier. The dull ache is there, always and for the rest of your life. I realize that I will never be the same. My heart, even though I have much to be grateful for, will never again be full. Joy will never be on the table for me again. Happiness and love always, but never joy, never again.