The reality of my life.

This weather is beginning to get depressing. Maybe I was a little depressed already if I am honest. The last month has been emotionally draining. So many things to deal with and all I want to do is climb in bed and stay there, forever. I have been working on my book, which has brought about a ton of things I would rather ignore. Not just about Arthur’s death but the things I have learned about myself. Truthfully, it’s not all pretty and I am not liking much of it. The death of a loved one, especially a child, brings reality to the forefront of everything. Dealing with regret, wishing I had more time and feeling as though so much of the time I have been on this earth has been wasted, this is all part of my reality now. I will have left no mark if I were to return to Spirit this day. I know there is no going back, the past is just that. So I am facing the things i need to change. Wolfgang is growing up and will have his own life soon. Where will that leave me? I have been home with the kids for almost 15 years. I am not qualified for any jobs. I could wait tables or tend bar but I am getting a little old for that. It is not easy facing the truths in life at times. But sometimes, we have to stand back at look at things from a new perspective, and see ourselves as we truly are.