The loss of a loved one can have life changing affects on the entire family, even the community. When it is a child, the family is surely devistated. For the mom of this child it is beyond devistation. It goes way above any horror she could ever imagine. Not only has mom lost her child, a being born from her womb but she loses herself. Life stops at that moment for this woman. It has been her job to care for this child, love and protect him. Keep him from harm at all cost, even risking her own safety and well being. Healing begins eventually. She will live a new existence, not sure if it could be considered living yet. The days will pass, laundry, dishes, cooking and the gardening will continue. There will even be laughter and happy moments. The sun will rise and set.. Then at night, when she lies her head on her pillow, the tears will fall, and she will be ever so grateful that one more night has passed. One more day closer to the time she will see her beloved son again. This is not the future she planned for herself.
Last September there was an question regarding the results of Wolfgangs echicardiagram. We decided to wait 6 months and see if the problem resolved itself. Today he went in for another echo and a stress test. I lost sleep rhe last few nights from worry. Both tests were perfect! So proud of this kid! The stress test is difficult for him, but he gave it everything he had and did amazing. Watching him made me just love and respect him more than ever. This young man has been through more in his 14 years than most see in a lifetime.
The weather is going to be perfect on this the start of my 52nd year. I am going to take that as a sign of luck. A gift from the Universe. I am also going to make this my “New Year”. I feel like I have to move forward a little more than I have. Time to get off this merry-go-round. I have been consistently getting rid of the clutter in my life. Feels good to see the progress I am making in this area. I have let things just pile up for years and since Arthur’s death it has only gotten worse. Holding on to “things” has always been a huge issue with me. I don’t even have sentimental attachment to some of this crap I keep moving from spot to spot to make room for more unnecessary junk. Maybe I lived through the depression in another incarnation. 😬. There are moments I actually imagine myself as the old woman with dozens of cats living under piles and piles of junk. Like one of those woman on borders! That’s is not how I want to spend my old age. I want to make and hold onto memories, not stuff.
So Happy Bithday to me, and Love, Peace, and Joy to all of you!
Tomorrow will be my second birthday without Arthur. It surprises me at times, the days that bother me most. Birthdays seem to be the toughest. We always did big birthdays. They were celebrated more that Christmas usually. Trips, Fireworks the whole thing. I remember vividly the first birthday I had with Artie after he was born. He was just 6 weeks old and he and I flew to Texas from Alabama to spend time with Kurt. He was working here at the time. We took Artie to Hooters
for lunch. The girls working there took him from me as soon as we walked in! It was so sweet how they just passed him around. It was the first meal I got to eat hot in 6 weeks. 😊 Arthur’s entire life was like that. Everyone was instantly in love with his light. He was so very special.
It is these tough days when I have so much to do, so much stress to contend with that I miss you the most. You could always make me smile and you made my life so much easier all of the time. You had a knack for just knowing when I felt bad or was having a crappie day. If I needed to a compliment, you were the first one to give it. There was always a hug waiting in your arms for me, and your timing with those hugs was always impeccable. Days when I felt I could do nothing right, you were right there to tell me what a great job I was doing. I miss you beyond the realm of comprehension Artie.