Late night blah, blah, blahs..

For almost 2 years now, I have had the same words haunt me daily.

“What if”

I constantly think about all of the things that could have possible changed the outcome of Arthur’s life. What if we never met the family that changed our lives. What if the people that hurt Artie never became part of our circle. I know that Arthur made the final choice to end his life on his own. And I also believe that it was his time to go another direction on his journey. But sometimes, times like this when I can’t sleep I wonder. If the dynamics of his life had not changed, if one person had not been hateful, would it have mattered? And I wonder if their life is as miserable as mine sometimes. I don’t wish anything bad or painful on anyone. I just hope, sometimes, that I am not the only one that loses sleep over it.