Who I used to be

I tried reading the earlier posts this morning. Wow! I have come a long way.. (Pat on the back) I had to stop as they are so emotional for me.   I have learned so many things in this short time. Seems like a lifetime since I was that person. That person, it is really as if I am talking about someone else. The person I was is just a glimmer of who I am today. I will always remember her, even love her, but I will never be her again. My heart is a different place as is my mind. The important things of her I will hold close, to pull out when I need reminding of the things I never want to be again. My love for my children and their love for me was something I took for granted. That love is the most precious thing any Mother holds in her heart. Even though I loved them all, I never imagined it could change. But it has. I love them deeper. I make sure everyday that they know it, beyond any doubt.

Life would never change, it would be perfect forever was another thing I just assumed always would be, but here we are. It can never be perfect while we are missing our boy but it is still amazing! I have family, friends a home, not just a house. My husband is my King and together we run this little Kingdom to the best of our abilities. We have been broken yet we hold each other together despite it all.  I am healthy and intend to live to a ripe old age. I see things so much more positively. What a gift this life is. What a gift my family has been.

I am working on a book this year as well. It will be based on the first year without Artie. I want families to get the true picture of how suicide and the death of a child effects not only you but a community, and in our case many people across the world. Out of this horrible tragedy in our life, good things have grown and I have met some amazing people along the way. Our story is far from over..


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