Is there hope?

The world is a mess. Mother Earth is dying under our feet, man is becoming motivated by electronic devices instead of the gifts we have been giving by God. We eat frozen food latent with poisons and drink water we have to pay for. Why do we pay for water anyway? I have my suspicions.. Have we become so cold that we are allowing people and animals to die on the streets while we stand in line for hours after giving thanks for all that we have, to buy the newest phone craze?  Why not stand in line to feed the hungry? Volunteer at our shelters.  Instead of complaining about what we don’t have, think about what could be taken away in an instant. It is not about feeling better about yourself. It is about insuring the survival of our race. We are slowing becoming so distant from our fellow man that soon our only friends will require a good charge every few days. I am just as guilty of having my phone in my hand 24/7. I just wonder really, what have I missed, what joyous opportunities have passed me by because I was looking down?

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About Christmas… 

Hey buddy,

Last week was a real tough time for me for some reason. The Holidays are being shoved down our throats already. I guess I am not as ready as I thought to face them without you, again. I think we will just get a small tree and set out a few things. I can’t bring myself to get all of our traditional stuff out yet. I am not sure that I ever will be. That was our job every year. Even though it will be different, we will have some Christmas cheer going on.. 🎅🏻. No gingerbread house, probably not much music, no new handmade ornaments or wrapping paper. I just want us to remember this is a time for family, love and hopefully some Peace for people that desperately need it. This world is a mess. It is heartbreaking to think so many people have no home, no food or even anyone to spend the season with.  We are truly lucky and blessed just in love alone. 💜 I miss you baby, my heart aches for your laughter and hugs!!  

Forgiveness is not a dirty word

I have heard hundreds of times that forgiveness is sometimes the key to healing. A year ago I would have never thought I would even begin to forgive the people I believe caused Artie so much pain. But, I am tired. I’m tired of the anger hanging on to me like a dark shadow. Arthur made the decision to end his life on his own. I will never be friends with them again, and I will never forget what they did. I will however, find some Peace in all of this and letting go of this darkened inside me is as good a place to start as any. I spoke to one of the women last night. No long conversation, just polite words to someone. It actually felt good. I felt empowered in a way. My grief, the pain and anger is not going to continue to drag me down. I of all people should know that life comes with no guarantee for tomorrow. To live for each day, happy and content is all we can truly hope for.. Peace my friends.. Say a prayer for the people of France and for the USA. This could just as easily have been us again.. 

The Longest Road

We are an elite club it seems at times. Grieving moms… The pain never ends. The road just seems to get longer day by day..  We have no name, there are no answers for us because this is not natural. We don’t have years to prepare as we do for our grandparents and parents. We not only lose our child but our futures, our hopes and dreams. Life stops at that moment. Sure, we bounce back some. We get up, put on our clothes and smile for those around us. But none of it is real. The pretending we have to do most days is exhausting. The choking back tears is endless. Even when we have so much to live for, so many blessings and people we love. The agony of this never goes away… The memories are bittersweet. Some we welcome, others are like reliving that one second that changed our lives over and over again. We want a second chance, where is our second chance? 

I Hate Days Like This! 

It is just so hard some days to get it together. As time goes on, thankfully I have fewer days like this. Today is a heavy day for me. No reason, it’s not a holiday or a birthday. There was nothing we did on this date as a family that sparks a memory. It is just another day without my son. Another day that I came into the kitchen this morning, stopped at his bedroom door and wished with everything I have that he was in there fast asleep, just like I do every morning.  But, he isn’t.  He never will be sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee with me, groaning about school work, eating every five minutes.. I will never hear that amazing laugh or be blinded by that smile.  He will never get ready for a date, ask for the keys to the car, or borrow money for gas.. His body spray, he liked Old Spice, will never fill the air in this house again. Over a year now, and the reality of it all is still so hard to take in.. 

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