There is not a second of the day I do not have Artie on my mind. No matter what I am doing, cleaning, cooking, yard work, or school with Wolfgang. Arthur is always right there in my thoughts. I went grocery shopping and thought about how he and I would sit up late at night and eat Oreos. I heard some guitar music today and it reminded me of how he would come in and play me a new song he had learned. I miss him with every fiber of my being and that will never change. The reality is, when you lose a child, you feel as though life is over. You can’t imagine going on without them, it’s not right, it’s not natural.
The world does not take pity on you and stop to wait for you to catch up. The sun rises, the wind blows and the birds continue to sing. Families don’t stop doing things together for fear of bringing pain to you. Holidays don’t get cancelled because your child is not here to celebrate them. It’s just not going to happen like that. Life truly does go on.
A year into this journey I can say with all honesty that it is not any easier today than it was the moment he was gone.. Life without him will never be as full, never will I have the deep, belly ache laughter that we had together. My dreams for the future are not as big and bright as they used to be. The dreams of Artie and Wolfgang standing up at each other’s weddings, becoming Uncle Bubbie and Uncle Boo to each other’s children. Arguing over who was going to take care of us when we get old… 😏 Those are the dreams that are no longer existent, they are gone forever.
I do still have a great future ahead. There are many travels and adventures to go on. I look forward to watching Wolfgang continue to grow into this amazing young man he is becoming. Many years are still ahead for me to continue loving my husband, the love of my life. Seeing our grand children grow up and hopefully having a few more.. 😊 I will take every moment as it comes and cherish each of them. I will share my experiences in the hopes that they will give other families hope for a life still worth living in the shadow of loss.
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