This new life

I used to be one of those moms.. You know, always rushing to get the kids from one place to another, planning meals, keeping house, making sure school work was done. I even ran a homeschool group.
My life is totally the opposite now. It’s unusual for us to leave the house more than once a week. Especially now that school is back in session. We don’t have our group anymore, and my social life consists of spending time with the birds and squirrels in my garden.
Wolfgang is spending more time with some of his friends but not as often as I would like. He has always be an introvert of sorts.  Now we are perfectly content just being at home. There is plenty to keep us busy. Everything and everyone that is important is either here or will be here at some point. Funny how much your life can change in an instant.

A letter to Arthur

Good morning Artie…
A year ago this morning, you left your physical body for a new , whole and happy self. I am still not exactly sure why you needed to change your path so soon. I do know it changed my world baby. My heart went with you. It still flashes in my mind every morning. I put on coffee, and took my shower. I wanted to let you sleep in because you had a big day. And then I realized Izzy wasn’t in your room with you. I noticed your light on and figured you were up, ready to go pick up Amber and get to the park. From the second I opened your door, I stopped breathing. I’m not sure I have taken a full breath since. The last thing I remember, before the blessed  numbness kicked in, was kissing that beautiful face, knowing my life would never, ever be the same.
But this is not the end of our story huh kiddo? Our journey has just begun.. I have met some amazing people on this new path. Life is so precious and I thank God everyday for it. My biggest blessing has always been you 4 kids. Without all of you I would not have known the joy I have had in my life.
Even now you are my rock Artie… Whenever something is bothering me I still talk it out with you. I really need to stop doing it in the stores, people look at me pretty strange.. 🙂 Thank you my beautiful boy for choosing me for your mom. You gave me 14 years of unconditional love, and I will hold onto it until we walk along the sands of white beaches together.  I love you.. See ya soon!

Nightfall in the Kingdom

A forbodding fell upon the Kingdom as the day turned into night.  It was felt by all that knew him. It had been a year since the Prince had gone off to battle. The Queen felt sure he would return someday. On the eve of the anniversary of his departure she stood at the tower window. She spoke to the wind, a simple wish. Let him be safe, let him be happy. Assure me that he will always know that his Mother loves him more the all of the stars in the heavens. Let those he left behind always remember him. May they always strive to be as loving and as kind as he, the Prince they called Arturius..

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today was Arthur’s last day on this Earth. He hung out with friends, had his plans set for the next day and a whole future ahead of him.
And then he was gone.

And this is what I have learned:

I still have a good life but the light within me is not as bright.
I try to appreciate every second of each day.
Spending time with family is the MOST important thing to me. I cherish them and know how quickly it can all be taken away.
I can’t look ahead to the future, it’s one day at a time.
Money can’t buy happiness.
Music is all of your memories wrapped up tight in your heart.
A warm summer breeze is like therapy.
Negativity breeds Negativity. Rid yourself of it!! It will suck the life out of you.
The quiet of your mind is truly the safest and most honest place you can visit!
Most importantly, I have learned that there is much more to life than just what we see with our eyes. It is what your Soul sees that matters..

Wolfie’s Birthday

As most of you know, Arthur died just 5 days before Wolfgang’s birthday last year. Needless to say, it sucked. My heart aches for him. I want so much to make it so that every birthday for the rest of his life is not just an after thought, taking second to his loss. The problem is, I have no idea how to do this. I’m not sure if it is even possible. Wolfgang had never had a birthday without Arthur. He never did anything without his big brother right by his side. I am so proud of how well Wolfie has dealt with the loss. Much better than me for sure. He has been thrust into adulthood at way to young of an age. The biggest problem for me personally is looking past the reminder ever year. I don’t want my greif to cloud his day every year. This being the first year, I will try to remember how happy Arthur is and that he is still with us. He will be right here by Wolfie’s side when he blows out the candles on his cake.

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