This did not post for some reason yesterday…
Just a few days and I will be going on a trip… Alone… I have never traveled without someone with me. I am not nervous, it will just be odd. I have always depended on someone to do things for me, to take care of me. Quite honestly, I wonder how I managed to do anything on my own. Now, I must admit, it feels good to be more self sufficient. I can do things around our house and property I never did before. It is as though the loss of Arthur has brought more of a need for independence in myself. Not that I want to be out in the world alone. I think somewhere in me is the fear of being so dependent on another person and them leaving me. Not many people understand the connection that I had with Arthur. It went beyond just a parent child relationship. We were friends and he was my rock his entire time here. When he left, even with all of the other people in my life, for the first time ever, I felt alone, completely, utterly alone.
Other people are certainly necessary in our lives to some extent, but we need to be comfortable with ourselves. Spend time alone, really get to know yourself. It’s crazy, but that is the biggest lesson in all of this for me. I have come to realize there are a lot of things about myself I really didn’t like. I also learned things about me that are pretty alright.. 🙂 Learning to be responsible for myself, my life and my own Spirituality, while loving to the fullest is what it is about now. If we do not know ourselves, and love ourselves, we can never truly, unconditionally love anyone else. It all starts from within..
It makes a lot of sense to me Lann. As you well know for years your Dad did almost everything for me. I skipped through life like a breeze. When he became ill and could no longer the things he had done, it was time that I became more independant, as you said here.
When Arthur first left I was concerned for you, knowing how close the two of you were. He was always your right hand man even when his Dad was home.
Your second paragraph says more than you may realise being you wrote it. Others will get much more from it I believe. Being comfortable with ourselves is a very important thing and liking who we are is a must, I truly had not given this much thought until I read your post.
Did you ever think you would be teaching your Mother lessons in her golden years? You do and I thank you.
Love You
I just began to live…you are right, ” it all starts from within”. Thank you