And among the Gods sits a Warrior Prince. He watches as those he loves mourn his passing. Oh if they could only bear witness to the lands on which he now dwells. The grass is always green, the skies forever blue and the breeze blows just slightly with the scent of jasmine at all times. His castle is more grand than all of the castles in all of the world he left behind. It is a freedom like no other for the young Prince. No battles to be fought, not wounds to heal, and all of his questions have been answered. Those who need him can be watched over and guided from where he stands now even though they cannot see him. His pride is great for those that carry on, and he walks beside them still. He wraps his arms around his mother when she cries out for him at night, and strolls with her in their garden. The younger brother he has always guarded is still within his sight and he sits with his father on the long quiet nights when sleep eludes him. He runs the fields with his shield brothers as they go into battle, and prays they can feel his presence and faintly hear his laughter. And above all , this Warrior, the one they call Aurturus Skywalker, knows the love that lives on for him and the legacy he left behind..
My thoughts get so lost sometimes. I wonder what Artie would be doing today. Would he be playing his guitar, or maybe the piano? I miss the sounds that used to come from his room. Every moment of every day I miss him. Today is no different, except for another first…..
I have been a member of a produce co-op for some time now. It was one of the things Arthur always went with me to do. Truth be know , it was mostly for his muscle. 🙂 The kid was exceptionally strong for his age and large baskets of fruits and veggies tend to get a little heavy. We always had fun seeing what was in the basket each time, there was always something a little different. Anyway, I have not ordered since he left. Today is a delivery and I placed my order. I have been sitting here, all morning, trying to make myself put my baskets in the car and go pick up our stuff. I have spoken before about the many firsts that we will have after the loss of a child. But it’s the simplistic ones that hurt the most.
The weather is finally wonderful! My headache is gone and I feel human. The garden, squirrels and birds beckon me to come outside. But alas, the ground is still too wet to work. I did go out for a bit and just took in the air and sounds. So healing is nature. The wildflowers are everywhere.It looks like the yellow brick road!! Most important, the Wisteria Arthur planted for me is in full bloom.. I will treasure that beauty forever. He is everywhere out on the property. You cannot look at anything and it not have been touched by him at some point. He was always happier being outside. Mowing, planting, swimming, walking Izzy, he loved it all. If I close my eyes, I can feel him with me, hear him talking a mile a minute about anything and everything.. I miss him…
Signs of Arthur’s presence have be very few recently. Or we have just been so busy they are being missed. I did have a dream last night that was odd. We were here at our house, and there were three boys getting ready for bed. We were trying to decide where each of them was going to sleep. I never saw any of their faces. I assumed it was Arthur, Wolfgang and their best friend Bailey. It left me feeling anxious and incredibly sad when I woke up for some reason. Maybe this explains my mood and heavy feelings today. I keep trying to tell my self there will come a day when this will all be easier. I want to be a comfort for other families and say that the pain will lessen. But I can’t honestly tell them that.
I heard of three teenage girls in Mount Pleasant that were killed yesterday in an auto accident. I am not sure if Arthur knew them, but he went to Summer Camp up there and I know they have mutual friends. I ache for the families, especially the moms. Not that other family members pain is less but, I understand what lies ahead for these moms. My hearts is and always will be in pieces. It will never mend completely and there will always be a large part with Artie in Spirit. So today I will ask for some peace for these families, even though I know they may not find it for some time, if ever. Peace is never near when the pieces of your heart are scattered.
Whenever something has to be done around the house, it takes every ounce of energy we have to do it. Kurt has been rebuilding the Jeep. I watched him through the window, knowing what was on his mind. From inside I was acutely aware that there was no laughter coming from the garage. Arthur was always jumping in to help. He wanted to learn, and teaching him was such a joy. He was like a sponge.
We woke up this morning to a leak in the roof. Artie would be the first one up on the roof looking for the problem. This just sucks. There are no other words that can describe what is missing in our lives. Time does not ease anything, it makes it worse.
What I would not give for a hug from that boy right now.