The thing with the pain from grief is that it never really goes away. You go along feeling good then, like an old sports injury it flares up again. Just like that old injury, when the weather changes it makes itself known to you. You might not feel it for sometime, almost even forget about it. Then you move wrong, or move too much and there it is right back to haunt you! Applying bandages or ointments just temporarily ease the pain. Eventually you realize, this pain will always be there. A dull ache to remind us of what is lost, what has changed forever. What do we do with this? We keep trying to ease the pain however we can. We become accustomed to it like an old friend and accept that it will always be with us. After all, it was the love of the game, the joy of the sport that brought us the pain to begin with.
Lann, the pain you are having to endure will never go away its like a shadow in the mist, sometimes it appears and then fades away for a time. Hopefully these times will before less often.
I love You
Hi Milann, first, Artie is so gorgeous. What a beautiful SON. Yours is the first email I openened, the blog link.
I’m drinking coffee, I see this beautiful boy and this woman. WHO IS THIS WOMAN to Artie and to you? I’m sorry to ask, but since you refer to her often, I wonder how she came into your lives. If you do not want to say, I understand but I think you do want to say, else you’d NOT be saying….no offense. If you don’ t want to post it here, I understand but if you’d like to do so privately and talk about it, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
You know I lost my beautiful son. March 2 , was 2 years in Spirit for him. He would be 21 years old
this coming, November 7 .
I must share with you a story. I lost a step brother to suicide, 6 months before we lost our son. Step brother was in the military, a beautiful son, like ours. His mother, DEVASTATED, like us. He was handsome, very smart, funny, athletic, traveled, seemed to have a HUGE life ahead of him. He was independent, rising in his military ranks, stationed far away from home, but USA and in a job for them where he was not in harms way.
He became involved with a woman, an older woman, I gotta say, a COUGAR….he in his 20’s, she in her mid 40’s. He intentionally shot and killed himself after spending a weekend with this woman. He lived off base in his own very nice apartment, his death was discovered when he did not report to the base for work on Monday. The miiltary sent men for a welfare check and found him there, alone, dead. Horrible tragic ending to a beautiful life. He was an only child.
This mystery woman, lived a couple states away from him. They would fly to wherever and spend the weekends with one another. Came home from one of those weekends, went to work at the base, applied/bought a hand gun, after the few day waiting period, he picked up that gun after work on Friday, went home to his apartment and shot himself in the head.
No explanation…no note. SHE was contacted by his family and claims nothing happened. We don’t believe that. SHE KNOWS. She was wealthy, flew all over the place taking trips with this beautiful young man, cruises, Carribean, yet she did NOT attend his funeral. Imagine! She will have to live with that knowledge of how she influenced the death of this beautiful son all of her days. She, in fact, has a son, his very age! IMGAGINE! Our family will never know what went on with her. There is no doubt in my mind, the realtionship with this woman, old enough to be his MOTHER cost him his life. Destroying so many others.
I am not suggesting that Artie was having an inappropriate relationship with this woman you refer to, but I wonder how she influenced him and why.
People have NO IDEA how their actions can and do effect other people.
I hope you find a bird to sing a sweet song to you today.
First let me say thank you for sharing your story. Putting it all into words can be tough but good therapy as you well know. It breaks my heart that you have endured such loss. I have no problem telling you about this woman. If I could shout her name to the world I would. She was a woman in our home school that had a son around Artie’s age. The boys became best friends right away. Everything was fine until another family came into the group with a daughter that Arthur immediately fell for. For some reason she had a real problem with Arthur and this girl seeing each other. I can only assume she wanted her son to date this young lady and she chose Artie. She was always making remarks about how spoiled my boys were and how much my hubby spoiled me.. All true!! But it should not have bothered her. Anyway, long story short, she told this girls family that Artie was a drug user and all kinds of crap. So over night he lost his best friend, his girl and we closed down the group. He was crushed and obviously never recovered from it. Arthur was so hurt that he was never given the chance to defend himself and he could not understand that. His integrity was very important to him. He knew he was looked up to by younger kids and that meant a lot to him. He never had the opportunity to see any of the kids from our group after everything went down. He always worried about what they were told. That’s it in a nutshell.. I realize she did not force Artie to make the finally decision to end his life, and maybe he would have done this at some point anyway. But she was jealous of a child. Really pathetic I think.
Oh my gosh. Thank you for sharing. Now I understand why and how you feel about her. It is so unreal, how people can treat one another and especially for an adult to “Set up” a young person for her own agenda….there is no doubt in my mind that what you suspect is true, is true. A person that would do that is truly sick.
In my 28 years as a Mother I have seen my share of these kinds of Moms…always maneuvering so THEIR child is where they want them to be, in any form or position…be it sports, school clubs. It is so obvious that it is really all about THEM, I think they see those kids as an extension of themselves and project such bs to make whatever it is they want, happen , not caring about anyone else in their wake….totally, EGO DRIVEN.
Many years ago, standing in my driveway with my 2 boys waiting for the bus (Elementary school) there was a boy who got on the bus at our driveway. His mom is one of THOSE MOMS…you know….. one day she actually frantically asked me to get on the school bus and ask my son to change seats so her son could sit beside a boy my son was sitting beside. Imagine the insanity and manipulation. I was standing with Deer in the headlights eyes. I REFUSED, OF COURSE! She was having a melt down. The kids were staring at her, the driver…insane! I said “Bye now” and walked away.
Just this week I was talking with a Mom whose son is being bullied at school by a very mean girl and her friends, 8 year olds. This mean bully girl, actually punched her son in the stomach so hard he vomited! They live in Pennsylvania. The girl’s punishment thru the school was 2 lost recess times, that’s IT. I was shocked. In our state there is a clear policy on bullying at school. That stomach punch is assault. I know kids hit and do things but at school here, that is NOT tolerated. That girl will most likely continue to bully this poor boy. I pulled up the school policy here, on my phone and emailed her the website so she could take that to the principal and maybe start a revolution up there.
What we KNOW is going on is usually a TINY part of what is really going on. I thought of you and Artie right away when she was telling me this and I briefly told her about your tragedy when she said she didn’t think her son was all that upset about this bullying thing.
I bet he IS, indeed. I bet since it’s a GIRL bullying a BOY it is dismissed even more. I bet this girl will continue to do it since it is giving her attention and making her feel powerful. She will turn into THAT WOMAN in your house, in that photo….I’d bet.
I believe people meet each other for a reason and I felt I had no choice but to share with her because WHO KNOWS what could be going through her son’s mind that she has not considered, YET. None of us can keep them safe 24/7 no matter how dedicated we are. Tragedy happens every day. I do believe it is brave women like us, not afraid to tell the TRUTH about what is happening, that can help make changes and awareness happen.
That woman you so kindly welcomed into your home , revealed her true self. She WILL find that Karma is real . One day, she will have to face what she did and she will have to FEEL what that action caused. I wouldn’t doubt that you don’t lay in bed at night replaying this over and over, I would, too. I hope you never, ever see her again. I’m so sorry for your suffering. You are not alone.
Oh.. My yard is full of birds today!! It has been quite relaxing to listen to them as them. Thanks for that!!
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When I am at my wit’s end (usually every day) thinking about my son and our former life ,all together….the thing I do as I’m sinking underwater is hurry outside….it is outside that I see those birds and the diversion of nature keeps me sane. I’m glad you had a flock and I hope they come to you every day. xoxo