I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t want to cry, God I am so tired of crying! I don’t want to look out of the window and hold my breath just hoping this has all been a horrible dream and Artie will come running through the back gate.. I am tired of losing track of my days. Sometimes hours pass and I have been sitting in the same spot. I want to be strong, I want to go on with my life. I want…. What I want is my son back. I want my life back! I want the person that caused him so much pain that he left us to know the pain I am feeling. I want someone to explain to me why did I not see this coming? How could I have not seen this coming? How could a mom, not know her baby was in trouble? How could I spend everyday, countless hours with him and not know? My head tells me one thing, but my heart does not understand any of it!