This is the 5 month mark.. I feel most days that it seems like a lot more time has past, other days I feel as though time is standing still. Like I will never be able to completely “move on” Wolfgang and are trying to come to some place where we can be a comfort to each other. He is still very angry with his brother and has no idea what to do with the feelings. So he lashes out at me. Then he feels bad for that. It’s a truly vicious circle for him. I realized that as much good as our story is doing others, so far he is still in the most pain. All I can do at this point is continue to love him, without smothering him..
I had the most peculiar dream last night. Long story short, a woman stops me in the grocery store and asks me if I was broken? Hmmm… Am I broken? Yes, I am broken. My heart, my hope for the future and my happiness all to some extent are broken. But this does not mean my life is over. All of the cracks will be filled in as time goes on with more love and happiness. My relationships here are strong and I am learning to focus more on them. I still have times where I feel myself falling into the darkness. But it no longer consumes me and quickly passes. I will not feel quilty about moving ahead with life.