Smile on…

Reading the comments and messages people are leaving me I am beyond touched. So many people, all over the world are sharing our story. My hope is that it will save other families from the anguish of the loss of a child by suicide.  At the same time I want kids that think they are alone in their pain to realize that there is always someone that loves them and would be torn apart if they make the decision Arthur made. I believe with all of my heart that my Artie was just done here and it was his time to go on to Spirit. Does this make the pain any less? No, not at all. I miss him every moment of the day.  
Suicide not only takes our loved one from us, it also leaves in its wake an almost intolerable amount of guilt. Regardless of the ‘Why” there is some guilt. I feel lucky that I have been able to find the answers I was seeking that allowed me to rid myself of the guilt I was holding onto. My healing is far from over, but I would like all of you to do something for me. Please don’t look at our situation as sad. Unfortunate, life changing, maybe even unneccessary but not sad. At this point I don’t feel sadness anymore. I feel alone at times, lost, hurt and cheated out of a lot of things. But for 14 years I had an angel here with me, loving me, taking care of me at times and always giving me a reason to smile.
My world was, is and always will be better because Artie was in it. Instead of sadness I hope you will feel inspired to live and love more fully, smile more frequently and hug tighter. The thing I always go back to the most with Artie is his smile. That boy smiled no matter what. And God what a smile!  Even when he had whatever turmoil going on in his head he was smiling. Hope you all find peace and happiness in this glorious day!
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