There are some mornings still when I just don’t want to get out bed. One of the things I find about keeping this blog is I can track my own progress in this healing journey. The most important thing I have learned is that it is very slow going. Some days it is three steps forward, two steps back. It’s like riding a roller coaster in slow motion. Another thing I have notice is that when I have more vivid dreams, the kind that I can remember clearly and write down, I seem to have better days. Now I don’t know that one has anything to do with the other at all. But I have not remembered any of my dreams for a week now and I feel somewhat more down than I have been. Oddly very few of my dreams have anything to do with Artie. Hell, most make no sense at all, but I write everything I can recall down. Not sure what changes my dream patterns and why some stay with me and others don’t. Maybe I feel better when they do because it is an escape of sorts. I have something to go to through out my day when things start getting me down. Every night, before I go to sleep, I ask Artie to please come to me in a dream. I miss his face…
Oh, I so agree with you. I do the very SAME THING. The quote at the top of your post! That is what I have been saying every day since we lost our Sam. Every morning, every night and all the moments in between. I’ve had a neighbor ask a couple of times “Are you feeling better?” BETTER? Well, NO, Sam is STILL DEAD, so I’m not feeling better. We don’t get better, we learn to live through this new life we never asked for and wouldn’t wish on anyone. To me, like the quote says, my son’s death is the very first thing on my mind as I wake. Eyes open, thoughts go directly to Sam is dead. What am I going to do. Stagger to coffee. I see him in everything. I’m trying to come up with a plan to pretend, convince myself, if only on some days, he’s moved to Europe and I’ll see him again…later.
I ask him to come to me in dreams, too. It’s funny, most of the time, when I ask him to, he does not. I get upset the next day…then I always get a sign from him in another way, a Hawk showing up in odd places (His nickname was Hawkeye, he was so sharp) or he does something with electrical, so I know he’s here and he’s listening…he’s messing with my laptop right now! When I’m typing about him it freezes up all the time, happens to computers everywhere I go, checking out at Sam’s club, the doctor’s office, it’s amazing what they can do as they learn the how’s. I bet it is easier for the younger ones in Spirit, ….as in the life here, they can do anything with technology with ease.
It is said that they maintain their personalities in Spirit as they were here on Earth. My son was a Scorpio, poster boy Scorpio. Very deep, quiet (unless he was HERE), fierce in his beliefs, very loyal and VERY independent. One of his mottos since he was a toddler “I do what I want”. When I ask him to come to my dreams and he does not, that ’s what I remind myself of today, he’s going to come on HIS TERMS, not on demand, so to speak.
I am having the privelege to study with a brilliant Psychic-Medium since October 2014. She says that they are always with us, just a thought away. I told her last week in a private session “I miss my Sam so much, I want to see him, I want to be where he is”. She replied with a loving smile, “Just go to sleep, he will be there.” It’s said to be the easiest way for them to communicate with us, while we are asleep.
I hope you see Artie in your dreams soon and sending you a huge hug. Chocolate. The vision of a Mother bird feeding her babies in a lovely nest….Puppy breath.
xo
Kelly
I wake up every morning disappointed that I have not dreamt of him. But I do have some pretty good signs throughout my days that I love..