It seems the closer it gets to our trip the gloomier I get. I am trying, honestly I am. Trying to stay busy as much as possible. It still catches me off guard when for a brief moment sometimes I have to actually remind myself you are gone. I walk to your door still some mornings just to stop short when it hits me. And then I cry. More than anything I want to find my life. When your life ended, so did mine. Everything I have ever believed would be is gone. I should not be going on with life without one of my children! But I know I have to. Of course I still have daddy and Wolfgang and the rest of the family. I have friends and the same stuff to do everyday. But it’s just not enough most days. I have become ungrateful for all I have and I hate that. Never have I wanted more than what I have so much. I need to find some peace. Hopefully I can on this trip. I think the lack of sleep is catching up with me. I am exhausted so it is making me feel worse. Time will never heal me but I pray that it will soon bring me some peace. If I could just hear your voice, see your smile or feel your arm around my shoulder… Just once more.
Side note: I wrote this yesterday. I wasn’t going to post it but decided to after all.