Guilt and Blame

I want to talk about blame and guilt. When we lose a child or any loved one for that matter the blame and guilt can eat us alive. Now keep in mind this is just me, a grieving mom talking.

Back in March of this year, a woman that was in our homeschool group spread some nasty rumors about Arthur. Even though they were completely untrue, it changed all of our lives forever. He lost his best friend, and lost the chance to have the girl of his dreams. But the thing that I have come to realize is all of that is not what bothered him the most.

He came under attack by a mean, jealous, unhappy person and he was judged because of it. He was never given a chance to defend himself against her allegations. His integrity meant everything to him. He tried very hard to be a good role model for younger kids. He was always very respectful and caring. And with just a few words, this woman destroyed all of that for him.

My guilt has been killing me because I allowed this woman into our life. I did not see what was coming and somehow missed the fact that he really cared what people thought of him. Adults that he admired and trusted totally and completely let him down. Some of them still are in my opinion.

So until now I have let this blame and guilt grow and at times consume me. Not any more. I remembered something I did always teach all of my kids. Miserable people will always try and upset your life if you have a good one compared to theirs. But in the end their life is still miserable and I do believe Karma is a real bitch when necessary..

We even in our loss and grief are still so lucky and blessed. I would not trade the memories of having Arthur as my son for anything. He loved us and was an amazing young man. He had respect for us and was always a joy to be around.

I don’t wish anything bad on these families. But someday I hope they realize that they had a part in destroying a young man that may have very well changed the world. He would have made a fine man, a wonderful husband and the best father ever. He was already a great son, brother, nephew and friend.

One thought on “Guilt and Blame

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  1. Such a powerful message.

    The first thing that came to my mind was what a lie or any hurtful thing said about someone can ruin so many lives. Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers ,Grandparents,Cousins. Let use not forget the many Friends this Beautiful Child had, there were many. Many Hearts have been broken. Arthur was a gift to all who knew him.

    How could an adult with Children say such vicious things about someone’s Child that is so hurtful and harmful . Knowing him she knew it was lies made up in her mind due to jealously.
    She has a huge burden to bear for a long long time. One that can never be mended.

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