Well, here we are at 10 weeks. When this nightmare began people would say, time will make it better. With time you will begin to heal. It just takes time they would say. But what happens is that as time passes, the numbness just goes away. Then the real, pain begins. You have more time to realize how much you are missing your loved one. The daily things that continue that they are not involved in anymore. Watching the rest of the world just keep go about their lives, with the Holidays here it makes this even worse. Families decorating, preparing vacations and spending time together.
What does happen is that you learn to cope. Waking up becomes just a habit that you do. Turning on the coffee pot, making breakfast and feeding the animals. Going about the day like a robot most of the time. The memories of your loved one are always right at the front of your mind. Everything in your home, your yard, the grocery store, when you pass his or her favorite park, or the mall they liked to hang out at. These reminders are everywhere. For myself it is impossible to ignore them. I still cry everyday. I don’t have complete break downs though. I laugh with Wolfgang and Jade and smile whenever Arthur crosses my mind. I wake up waiting to hear from Kurt, this helps a lot. Knowing I have him by my side gives me strength. I pray that I will heal and have this heaviness someday lift from my heart.
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