I wish I could say things were better. They aren’t. We learn to cope a little more each day. It seems the more time goes by the more things we realize we miss. Having no control over my emotions, or my mind is the worst for me right now. I don’t want to cry all the time, wake up every few hours or find myself sitting for long periods just staring off. I want my life back. But unfortunately I can never have it back without Arthur. Not the life we had before. So here I am, 50 years old, in actuality building a completely new life. A life without one of my sons, my best friend and a part of my heart..