Weekends usually suck pretty bad for us. This one so far has been better. Beautiful weather, time with Wolfgang and his girl Jade and working in the garden. I only fell apart once this morning, a real improvement for me. I was sitting in the garden watching the hummingbirds and the bees going about their business. They were completely oblivious to my pain.. Watching them made me realize even the smallest things in life are sometimes the most significant! The situation still sucks at times but we are moving forward the best we can. Laughter is truly the best medicine!

It’s Friday morning. The quiet in this house if deafening. Not long ago Arthur’s alarm would be going off soon. I would love to hear him playing his guitar, or the piano. The constant tapping of him texting used to drive me insane, but oh what I wouldn’t give to hear that sound. Even an argument between he and Wolfgang would be music to my ears. The things I used to get so easily annoyed by are the things I miss the most! I always thought I appreciated the little things.. Now I cherish EVERY small moment of everyday that I have with my family. Every breeze that blows across my face, each moment of each day that I have left on this earth is a gift I will never again take for granted. I love you Artie…

I may not have told you enough how very proud I am of you… You are my son and my friend. You are my confidant, my guardian, my partner in crime and my constant. If I needed anything done, fixed or made you always tried your best to get it done. You have a smile that melts hearts, the spirit of a wild horse and the ability to make everyone feel their very best. I am the luckiest mom in the world. You are here with me always in my heart and I love you.

I have been thinking a lot about our life before Artie left us. We have been so blessed and fortunate to have been a homeschooling family. In the past several years we have traveled, met amazing people and spent so much time with the boys. Had they been in a brick and mortar school, we would not have these amazing memories. I can say Arthur and I had a great relationship. We were friends as well as mom and son, I knew him, really knew him. This may not have been the case otherwise. I am comforted when I think that he did not spend 8 hours or more a day away from us. Wolfgang would have had to go back to school soon after this horrific event had he been in the system. That would have been so awful for him. To have to rush his grief would not in my opinion have been healthy at all. So I am grateful to my husband more at this time than ever for working like he has to be sure I could always stay home with the kids. I still grieve for the loss and will forever but am truly blessed to still have the life I do.

Wolfgang and I got out of the house some today. We just kind of bummed around. Bought some mums for out by the garden for some color, hit a few resale shops and went for sushi. Days like this are usually hard because we miss doing things with Arthur and I know he would want to be skating somewhere today. I imagine that he is on a board with skating with amazing souls! 😊But it was nice to have some fun and laughter with Wolfgang. Working on our new normal is starting to feel more natural.
To all of you I say: Hug your kids, tell them you love them and how proud you are of them!! To myself I say: Breath and take in the life you have! It is still amazing!